Being a bridesmaid is an honor. Let’s get that out there right away. It doesn’t get a whole lot more #squadgoals than being asked to stand beside your friend on one of the biggest days of her life. And you are, you’re honored, because you’re a good friend and you’ve said “yes”. And now you’re committed. What many bridesmaids don’t realize they’ve said yes to is, well, a lot. For that matter, the brides usually don’t either because they are dealing with a seemingly never-ending list of “to-dos’” and worrying about the stress/time commitment/pressure of other people’s responsibilities is just not that high on their radar. It’s a bit of a hindsight is 20/20 issue, but maybe we can get ahead of it a little today.
Here’s my list of pet peeves your bridesmaid’s WISH you knew:
The Price Tag
It starts with a dress. A formal dress, that definitely goes with your color scheme but probably doesn’t fit in anywhere is in your bridesmaid’s life after your wedding. Even the most well-intentioned bride is unlikely to pick a dress the bridesmaid is EVER going to wear again. And for the most part, bridesmaids accept that reality. But then you expect their hair and make-up to be done professionally. Everyone needs to wear the same style of shoes and mani-pedis are a must. And then there is the bachelorette party, the bridal party, the hotel, dinner, evening champagne and morning mimosas. Heading out of town for the party? Let’s add that plane ticket on there while we are at it. Oh, it’s Vegas? Add the gambling budget. And we’ve hit a sum larger than what I paid for my first car.
To be clear, I in no way believe that the bride should fork the whole bill here. I’m just saying, maybe pay for some of it. The dress, or the hair/makeup sesh. Make your bridesmaids feel pampered at some step of the way as a token of letting them know that YOU know how much they are putting into your big day.
2. Feed Me!
You know what really hits the spot when you’re expected to wake up at 4:30 a.m. to start getting ready for your friend’s wedding? Food. Your bridesmaids are on high alert on your wedding day. Standing there smiling and holding a bouquet as you say “I do” is the easiest part of the whole day. Before that, and after it for that matter, they’re making sure that you are completely clueless of all the crap that’s been hitting the fan. It has been, and they aren’t going to tell you AT LEAST until you are back from the honeymoon. These girls have your back. Feed your squad. Enough said.
3. The Pecking Order
This can be the hardest, and most divisive part of asking your friends to be in your bridal party. You’ve got your bridesmaids, and then you have your maid (or matron) of honor. Maybe it’s an obvious pick and you’re got your Type A best friend in charge. She’s got all the girls on a text chain with you in a separate one because you are only to be bothered with final details. She also has all the important people saved in her contacts and has had the hotel and manicures booked since you asked her to be your MOH last year. Lucky bride. But what if your best friend isn’t really the planning and organizing type? It can become a sore spot for your bridesmaids when they aren’t chosen for that coveted position, but they are expected to start pulling more weight.
Two schools of thought here. The first, pick a MOH that is going to do the heavy lifting naturally. If your BFF lives across the country or has a newborn, be upfront and let her know why you’re choosing another friend to run herd. She’ll probably understand. Do it privately though, you don’t want to offend your chosen MOH. The second: divvy it up. You know your girls, and you know what you want for your parties. Play to their strengths and suggest they tackle the things that make the most sense. This will definitely mean more work for you, but your bridesmaids won’t feel like they’re out of their depth. Either way you go, go with your gut. You need to be able to be real with your maid of honor and trust that they can be there for you, so do everyone a favor and chose wisely.
4. A Little More Recognition
It’s hard to show too much gratitude. Thank your bridesmaids and thank them often. Thank them with food, chilled La Croix at the ready, little trinkets, cards, a post wedding massage certificate, whatever! Just be sure to do it. A little recognition for all that they’ve done to make your engagement and wedding day all you’ve dreamed it to be, will go a long way.
5. Check Yourself
Lastly, you’re the bride. It’s your 51% your day, which kind of makes you the boss. Help your girls out by being an organized bride and by stating what you want. It’s great if you’re all laissez faire and go with the flow but have some opinions so they know where to go. I’m not saying being a “bridezilla”, but don’t be a “bridechilla” either.
All in all, remember that these girls are here for you and they want you to have the best day of your life. So, treat them like the hard-working badasses they are, and hopefully they’ll pass it on when it’s their turn down the aisle.
